‘HIV is not my whole life’
Gugu Dladla is seven months pregnant, and she and her partner are both HIV positive. Knowing their HIV positive statuses, their decision to have a child wasn’t taken lightly. But more than having to weigh up the pros and cons as a private decision, one of the toughest parts of their journey to pregnancy was having to work with nurses who had little understanding or empathy for their situation.
‘The nurses were very unkind they kept saying things like, “Why do you want to have a baby when you are both HIV positive? You are not going to live long and if you die, who will take care of these children?” They were not caring nurses,’ says Gugu.
Gugu has two children from a previous relationship, both of whom are HIV negative. Her first contact with the disease came 10 years ago when her sister – then aged eight – was raped and contracted the virus. Gugu, her sister’s primary carer, was 21. In that same year, 2004, Gugu also found out that she was HIV positive. ‘I never felt sick at all, so I didn’t take any medicines,’ she says from her home outside Piet Retief.
After 2011 though, her health started to decline. She was living in Lenasia and working in Johannesburg at the time. ‘I went from wearing a size 42 to size 38 then size 36, and I knew something was wrong,’ says Gugu.
Gugu fell pregnant and, when she miscarried months later, she decided to go back to the clinic. In 2012 she started antiretrovirals (ARVs), which she took for only about a year – she moved to Mpumalanga and didn’t bother to go to a new clinic for treatment.
Last year, when Gugu and her current partner decided to have a child, she suggested mutual clinic check-ups hoping to finally disclose to him that she is HIV positive. Though she had always insisted on using condoms during sex, she never disclosed her status to him. The results came back showing them both to be HIV positive. She has also started ARVs to prevent mother-to-child transmission of HIV; her child is due this winter.
Gugu says living in a new place makes it difficult to find people she can trust and lean on to talk to about her HIV status. ‘But you have to talk, because people can’t help you if don’t talk,’ she says.
She has also leaned on local Treatment Action Campaign field officers who help her deal with issues of stigma, with understanding the treatment regimes as they’re worked out to suit her and generally giving her support when she needs it.
She doesn’t believe HIV has destroyed her life though. She’s also grateful that she has no side effects from taking her medicines, and she also realises now that defaulting on her treatment was not the best decision. ‘I can say that I am free, the HIV is not my whole life and my life is not extra bad because of the HIV. I’m looking forward to having my baby.’
Gugu says living in a new place makes it difficult to find people she can trust and lean on to talk to about her HIV status. ‘But you have to talk, because people can’t help you if don’t talk,’ she says.
Gugu also wants to be strong example to her sister, who is at a boarding school and will matriculate this year. She’s worked hard to drill into her sister that her ARVs are medicines she will have to take for the rest of her life. When her sister turned 15, Gugu knew she also had to talk to her about taking the right precautions if she chose to have sex. ‘I know I won’t be able to stop her from having boyfriends, but she must be able to protect herself and her partner.’